Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

And the sadness?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are like me, then.

What do you think hell is like?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Be who you already are.

I had run out of hope.

Why is Jack Smith arguing that presidents should not have full immunities as Trump is requesting?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Club World Cup: Qualified and eliminated teams - FIFA

It’s here now, writing to you.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

The #1 Anti-Inflammatory Diet Habit You Should Start, According to Dietitians - EatingWell

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Danny Boyle Says He Couldn’t Make ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ Today - Yahoo News UK

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It’s still here.

John Brenkus, host of Emmy-winning ‘Sport Science’ on ESPN, died by suicide - New York Post

I was tired of trying and failing.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Diddy Bashes Courtroom Artist for Making Him Look Like a ‘Koala’ - The Daily Beast

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

The sadness was still there.

I was tired of fighting.

Inside J.J. Spaun's Arizona Home as He Claims Surprising U.S. Open Win - Realtor.com

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Rare Red Sprite Photographed in Tibet Dazzles Social Media - PetaPixel

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.